Monthly Archives: August 2016

8/16/16 – Long time, no see…

Well, I think I last posted about how I just had a baby? Time flies when you’re neck deep in poop and vomit! I have a great reason for not posting in the last 18 months…it’s because I’m neck deep in TWO piles of poop and vomit! That’s right, another one came and conquered just as I last posted about all my new exciting personal journey to fitness adventures!

Life sure knows how to test your spirit. And “tested”, it did.

I’m so grateful for the amazing bundles of joy that came around in just 2 years. It almost felt like those two years were a blur…actually, it definitely was. I don’t remember anything besides two little humans popping into my life.

I do remember trying to have a conversation with someone, and trying soooo hard to stop thinking about my first little one…I can only describe the feeling as puppy love. It was like a genuine, authentic true love with sinking hearts, and butterflies, and gasps of oohs and ahhs…I was not able to function. Mix that in with lack of sleep and energy…you’ve got a dangerous combination of non-contributing-to-society human.

I hope now that I have gathered all the pieces of my mind and have successfully put it back together, I can pursue health and wellness once again.

So let’s catch up:

  • I now have 2 kids. 15 months apart, my body and spirit has turned to mush.
  • I still have my company.
  • I moved cities.
  • After I have conquered all the states in America, my new life goal is to visit all 59 National Parks. So far I’ve been to Great Smoky Mountains, Rocky Mountains, Acadia, Congaree, Bryce Canyons, Zion, Grand Canyon, Haleakala, and Mt. Ranier. That’s 9 of 59. I’m going to hit Yosemite this year.
  • I went to China this year, Hong Kong, Macau, Guangzhou to the Canton Fair
  • Sold my house of 7 years.
  • Finally moved out of a city I lived in for 10 years
  • I recently started flight lessons this past February, but had to put it on hold in April.
  • I went skydiving, dune buggying in the desert and took a helicopter into the grand canyon floor.
  • I have fallen off the healthy eats wagon.

There’s probably more things that I’m forgetting, but I can’t remember them all.

 

 

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8/17/16 – Shame triggers

Unusual title for a post about fitness! I know, but I really want to talk about it!

So since I had my newest baby last October, I have been feeling a lot of typical emotions post-pregnancy. Emotions on top of  physical stress, anxiety, and exhaustion – that’s a heady mix. That was a rough year for me. I was excited to sort of recover from the first pregnancy at about 6 months of not being able to do as much – and pretty much 3 weeks into making the commitment to my return to health and fitness – I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant already.

My husband and I kind of slapped ourselves in the face, and said a couple of cuss words out loud. Don’t get me wrong, our little girl is the best thing ever, and I wouldn’t change a thing. But it was just too soon. We just became parents, and knew those exhaustive nights are coming back.

That was the downward spiral bit for me. I started getting morning sickness, which prevented me from doing as much of anything I had set out to do. I was hardcore into hot yoga, but I had to quit that because of the heat, it wasn’t recommended for pregnant women. I think I might have just laid around in self-pity a bit. I did go swim more, but not for fitness but because my body just felt so much better floating in water than on land. I frequently reflected on all of my shortcomings. And I realize that I tend to do that a lot.

One of the shame triggers for me was “depending” someone. I relied on my independence for everything. My circumstance at the time was my husband was working 2 hours away, and all of my family lived 5 hours away, and my closest friends were all having their own familial issues.

I hated the idea of asking my employees or my neighbors for help.  I ended up hiring a nanny for my son, with the understanding that she may be my hospital help.

Fortunately, my daughter stayed in until the induction date, and we were able to schedule everything out. However, my mom and dad couldn’t stay to help, but they came for 1 day and left the next, and my husband was off the entire week, but then the nanny kicked in.

I remember crying knowing no one would be able to help me…and then cried even more when I felt ashamed that I actually wasn’t able to help myself.

 

 

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