Category Archives: How I feel today

1/20 – Food prepping, hot yoga, and more

I am currently, high on my latest favorite, the Flat White espresso coffee from Starbucks. I haven’t had much uninterrupted sleep in about a week and a half, cause my little one is having midnight fits lately, but, to counteract the fact that I’m damned from ever sleeping straight through a night ever again, I decided to fight fire with fire, and just stay the hell up. AND be fully caffeinated. Boo…yah….  Take that you insomnia SOB.

So….update on food prepping. It went well, until I decided I didn’t want to eat what I had prepped. Just ain’t feeling those flavors, ya know. It’s like, the idea of prepping the food was WAYYYYY more exciting than actually eating it.

I’m at day 20…it’s a struggling point to stay on track. Water consumption has taken a nose-dive….but I was traveling this past weekend. Went to Vegas for a few meetings, parties, tradeshows, events…etc. It sort of prevented me from hydrating like I normally would. But it’s just an excuse…I’m trying to get back on track. Today, I had to skip yoga because my nanny was not able to pick up my little one before the class started. So decided to skip it and focus, FOCUS, SUPER FOCUS on the most important task I have been given. Which is increasing my stress level, thus needing me to get some yoga in. I am working hard on it…

I have realized, that I need more intense workouts. Yoga is great, but it’s only a supplement for a real workout. I noticed that I am “slimming” but not building the muscle that I want, nor am I getting that much leaner. I feel that after the workouts I used to do before I got pregnant, I’d feel like a beast and could lift everything. But now, I feel like a slug even after a super yoga class.

Like I said, day 20 is breaking point. I’ve stopped eating the original cabbage soup plan. Have resorted to low cal days and lots of protein…basically microwaveable meals, for the convenience and portion control. I am constantly fighting with myself on my strong desire to lose this baby weight, and get back to the way I was.

I know my husband loves me just the way I am, but I don’t love me this way. I don’t want to buy more jeans/pants…I like the ones I have, and I would prefer to just lose the fat/pounds necessary to get back into them. I wear yoga pants or stretchy pants all the time now, cause these last few pounds make my pants tight. I’m not trying to be skin and bones…I just want to fit my original pants!!! I love the clothes I had, and I just want to wear them again!

Anyway, that’s my update. I am a strugglebus right now and could use some sort of encouragement that the hydration, the portion control, the yoga, and blah blah blah are paying off. It’s a lot easier to maintain than it is to lose the first initial pounds. I know that I have gotten on the scale 2 days in a row last week and the scale showed I lost 4 pounds from Jan 1st, but 4 pounds has not had an effect on the pants…that’s all I care about…fitting into my old clothes. Ok, no more complaints!

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1/03 – Cabbage souping…ugghh

I’d like to think of this whole “MUST LOSE 10LBS!!!” as a temporary, bust a gut move, to really trim the water weight…. I know, I know, fad diets are stupid. BUT they do work. I’m not looking to lose quick and expect it to stay off when I stop “cabbage souping”, a new term I coined, when I do crash diets…

LOOK: This diet is terrible…butttttttt….I really like cabbage soup, and this recipe…well…isn’t all that bad. I had to modify it because it did not allow protein, which is a NO-NO for me. I prefer a high fiber/protein diet. Ya know, I think I’m just tricking myself into losing 10lbs by “cabbage souping”. What I think I’m actually doing is going back to eating healthier again…and working out, and drinking lots of water. Ok, but fad diets are kinda fun. I remember doing them with my girlfriends back in high school. We were all thin anyway…maybe slightly puffy, but never overweight or anything. We would do the “candy” diet…where all you eat is candy…and literally, all you eat is candy. And water. Needless to say, that was stupid. There was also the “sweat” diet…where you wore a lot of thick clothes that make you sweat. There was also the diet pills diet. STUPID.

Ok, enough about my stupid ideas from high school. I am so glad they are over as I would never ever ever want to go back.

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1/02 – A gallon of water is insane…

Whoever decided to do this must have a bottomless pit of kidneys….I tried, and boy did I try…and by midnight, I’m forcing myself to chug the last 12 ozs and it was just a struggle. Unfortunately, I was short by literally a can of soda. 12 baby ounces. 12!!! I just felt so bloated with water, and peeing 27 times, I had to just let my bladder relax.

Despite the side effects of drinking a ton of water, the other side effect is that fully-hydrated-body feeling…so hydrated you can feel a detox from the peeing, and the hydration spreads to your skin and it just feels soooo good.

So, doesn’t matter how many times I gotta pee in a 2 hour period….my face is hydrated…and the toxins are removed…and that…feels….so good. 🙂

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8/22 – What. A. Day. Just one of those “rumble strip” kind of days…

Ever have one of those days where somehow you hit the rumble strip and just can’t manage to get off it?

Holy Crap – that was today. I’ve been rumblin’ and bumblin’ all day and I don’t see an end in sight.

Let me just get the typical updates out of the way. I didn’t exercise, and I didn’t eat right. But at least I had my coffee at a normal hour (all I can ask for anymore). Coffee sets the tone for how I handle the day and today, I wouldn’t say is one of the best days I’ve ever had. But I “handled” today. I took care of what was necessary to move along. And get today over with. I tried to follow my advice and make the most of it.

There’s really no point in going over all of the details but a small insight is that someone close to me and my company had to abruptly leave. While they gave us all of the details that they didn’t have to share, I felt a deep sense of sadness, and my heart was open and aching. My compassion for them were beyond words.

The lesson I think I learned today is that although you never really know someone deep down, all you really need to know is if their heart is in the right place now.

Granted, we all make mistakes, and some of us make mistakes with grave consequences, but we are all human. And humans do stupid things from time to time. Sometimes we get confused with helping someone when we are actually hurting them. But is any sin truly greater than the other? What God teaches us is that there is a perfect balance of living where we can all reach a level of happiness that is enough for us. Where we won’t need the things that don’t matter. Where all we need is the simple love from one another. Where His love is enough. But what if we can’t have that basic need of having someone to love? Or someone to love us back? What if our heart tells us one thing and our mind tells us another? How do we grow out of it? How do we triumph over  the landmines set in front of us to make us fail? As humans we are going to fail. We are going to falter. We are going to do things that we “can’t believe” we are doing.

Making the “next” right decision is hard, but honest and authentic love and support is what they need in times like these. I care for this individual and the next adventure in their life. I pray for them, for God to protect them, because they meant a lot to me.

The rumble continues…

I tend to approach everything in business as either an strength, weakness, opportunity or a threat. Details are details. What is the big picture? What is the vision? I’ll do whatever I need to do to get from A to B. But sometimes if I don’t know what the big picture is, I might not find it.

Because of late, business has been a rumble strip and a half – as we have lost a few people recently, so my staffing is low. Although our production has decreased, we are still steadfast in the goals we set out to do.

A great line from Rocky 12 or whatever the last one was, went like this, “The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place. It will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me or nobody is going to hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you’re hit, it is about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much can you take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!”

I find this quote very inspiring because the ones who survive are the ones who can keep getting punched in the face, stand back up and be ready for the next one. All the while knowing that the worst is yet to come. A man wiser than me, one of my old bosses that I had a meaningful relationship with, who felt like a mentor in some ways, always told me that as long as we are still moving, we will be ok. It’s the ones who stand still who will fall.

I believe as a fully bootstrapped company, we’ve overcome so many things, and we’ve learned a lot along the way. We’ve recorded our mistakes, and we’ve seized opportunities as they came. Most importantly, we have loved and cared for everyone to some degree who has crossed our path, those whom had chosen to be a part of our team, and this is the “Giving Back” part. Treat people with respect and genuinely care for them as a fragile relationship that need a kind and honest heart, and no matter how hard it gets for you, they will pour themselves to help because you’ve already done it for them.

The world is full of sunshine and rainbows. It’s a magical land full of romance and adventures.

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Why love half-way?

As soon as I recovered from that last post – I immediately went back to Vegas a week later. Saw an opportunity to attend the MAGIC Market Show – which is a fashion industry show for all you newbies, me included. This time, I went alone. It was a good trip, so to say.

Before I left I thought long a hard about how stressful the show before was, and how much stress was put on my digestive system. Mainly because we ate at 11pm at night most nights…or perhaps, the fact that we are sooo hungry that we gorged each meal, or perhaps the self-inflicted pressure of “if we hurry, we’ll get through x number of booths today”. Of course all of this is just part of traveling for work. Thus the need to relax and prepare beforehand.

I’ve discovered a list of traveling pet peeves:

  • I don’t like to RUSH – if I can avoid it at all costs, I will
  • I like to plan my time out for majority of the day, and plan time for “anything goes” so I don’t have to RUSH
  • I need scheduled meal times – so my digestive system isn’t bombarded with food it’s not used to or so much at once, aka RUSHING TO EAT
  • I don’t want to RUN to get anywhere because we have to RUSH
  • I need my coffee every morning at a normal morning hour, not at 2pm
  • My normal speed is still pretty fast. I’m not a turtle.

For this trip, I wanted to do it because it was a chance to see how I’d do on my own. I must say, I do just fine. Better than I expected. I learned the roads and became an expert on the Vegas side-road system. I avoided the strip at all costs. I learned how to get around and also discovered my favorite locale even more: Chinatown.

I had a chance to eat Pho twice on 2 nights. Tried 2 different places. It was fantastic at both places. I also had a silk salad which is vermicelli, ground chicken, seafood, and lettuce, carrot, cucumber, mint, basil, etc. Soooo delicious.

This weekend, an old colleague of mine was in town for work. It was his first time there, so I had a chance to show him the slower pace of Vegas a bit. It was nice to catch up. Can’t believe it’s been 7 years since we both graduated college.

We did a few things together, but mostly learned about each others personal lives, professional lives, and aspirations. It was really nice to know that college had an impact on others the same way it did for me. I had a great college experience and must say that it did prepare me in many ways. I was definitely one of those bright-eyed and hopeful kids who wanted to set out to make a difference in some way. But was very disappointed when I got into the real world. I did learn to cope with it, and from my experience in the fraternity that I belonged to – “Your experience is only as good as you make it.”

And that’s how I’ve lived my life….how could I make today better than yesterday? How could I make the most of this moment? Did I love deeply? Learn greatly? Smile unabashedly? And did I live honestly?

Sometimes, I hurt uncontrollably, but I think it’s because I’ve got a big heart and sometimes it’s just downright mushy. I can’t help it. I enjoy my fairytale, my magical land of hopeless romance. Why be alive if you can’t feel it? Why love half-way? It feels amazing to be embraced! We need more affection in this world and a deeper more meaningful connection.

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Reflect & Recover from this insane thing called, Life :)

Part of a healthy & fit life is to squeeze in recovery times and usually those are called “vacations”. I can’t speak for everyone else and offer advice for ways you can recover from the insanity of your life, but I can paint a picture of how it looks like on my end.

The insanity of my life:
I hate revealing what I do for a living, because my work life is still rather private to me. But in a snapshot, I’m a partner in an internet-retail business that operates several websites. Part of the insanity of my life, is feeling like I’m being pulled in a million directions from every department, and I have 2 million projects going at all times…I’m sure many of us feel the same way. I must confess, I have the luxury of throwing my hands in the air when it gets too insane, and no one dies when I need to hide under my covers for a day. Unlike my husband’s profession, if he doesn’t make it to work, people die. But the insanity of my life comes from inside me – I’m a person who needs constant change, constant interaction, constant inspiration, and I guess despite how much I need all of those things, I’m constantly bored. Thus, the need for a recovery vacation isn’t always for “recovery” but instead a need to feel inspired to do it again the next day.

My driving forces:
I’m motivated by success, passion, small things that become big things, love, strong bonds, and a variety of positive life experiences. I grew up with nothing but the love and family bond from my parents. It was just 4 of us, and no matter how hard it became, we always made it work, and the things that don’t matter, just didn’t matter. I was raised to not care about money, and that all you need in this life is a place to sleep, food to eat, clothes to wear (and it didn’t matter where it was from) and an indestructible family bond, because no one will ever love you as much as your family. My core values include tight knit bonds at home and at work. I have an amazing set of friends who are always there to inspire & encourage me in all my endeavors…

Every year I reflect on how many things I accomplished, and I list everything that I can think of, big or small, because I believe that we’ll never know how awesome or how strong we are until we get the chance to see everything on paper.

Living a fulfilled life is hard work. Just like marriage, being a parent, running a business, being an employer – you want to do it to the best you possibly can, it’s all an incredible amount of hard work to juggle every aspect and to stay sane. BUT this is a FULFILLED LIFE.

I feel truly blessed every day that I get to go to work and hang out with people who are thrive in seeing small things become big things and see them perform each day with passion in their eyes.

My recovery potion:It’s not really a potion but more of a way of life that helps ground me and maintains that fervor for success, passion & more. I like to take small, short, quick vacations and usually with my husband or my business partner who also happens to be my best friend and partner in crime.

My latest travel adventures include a pre-show trip to Lake Havasu. We had to go to a retail tradeshow in Las Vegas for roughly 6 days, but included a quick trip to Lake Havasu to pretty much relax yet get ourselves acclimated to the tradeshow aches and pains.

Typically, at shows, we are walking from 8:30am to 6-7pm. Walking on concrete for 8+ hours KILLS your lower back, hips, feet, calves, etc. It’s also hard on your digestive system, because we are eating pretty much garbage because that’s the only type of food available at these things, and we are hurrying to eat it so that we may get back to work. My stomach has been upset the entire time, I constantly feel bloated, etc.

But the pre-show trip usually consists of the ability to sleep in a couple of days before hand, light “office time”, good meals, and an exhaustive hike or activity of some sort. The exhaustion prepares our bodies to accept the aches and pains during the show. It’s kind of like running 30 miles and putting your body through what it would feel like when it’s time to run that first marathon. Acclimating the body is half the battle of dealing with it. The body will kick out inefficiencies and prepare for the pain.

Our Havasu trip consisted of a long hike through slot canyons with ridgeline views of the lake, and an incredible dip in a cove while swimming with a few ducks. It was an incredible time to unwind, yet exhaust ourselves. One of my favorite things is flooding my eyes with incredible mental photographs of the beauty of the desert. I confessed my love affair with the desert, and explained how it has a burning prickly spot in my heart, because I’ve just about had a heat stroke from that hike, and I pricked my finger somehow from a cactus.

It’s an incredible landscape and I feel so loved by it. My next adventure will take place in Maine in just a few short weeks. I can’t wait to share it.

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7/21 – Weekend of fondness, family, and my 64 yr old Dad is on Facebook?

Ahhh…what a weekend! I think everyone longs for familiarity at times, and this weekend I certainly did. I took an impromptu trip to my old familiar stomping grounds in a last ditch to see my parents this summer that I’ve only seen twice this entire year so far. I didn’t want to go too long without a visit. The quality time spent is a far more precious and valuable gift to the ones I love.

So Friday night, I had a chance to hang out with my husband and we ate dinner at Tupelo Honey. What a great southern restaurant focused on local farm fresh ingredients and GMO-free meats and veggies. I am thankful for places like these that understand quality is more important than quantity.

We decided to order a “pound” of Tupleo wings for an appetizer, then didn’t realize how beefy these wings were, so we decided to split our entree – Brian’s Shrip & Grits – Shoo Mercy style. It was sooooooooo much food. A pound of those wings were only 8 wings, but very meaty wings. So we didn’t eat all of our entree or all of our wings – BUT – I ate my weight in biscuits…..

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Well, 1.89 biscuits that is. They were probably the best biscuits I’ve ever had in my entire life. They came with a blueberry preserve that was fresh with real whole blueberries…sooo delicious! The server came back and said, “Would you like to try any of our desserts?” and I replied with, “I thought I was eating one of your desserts.”

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I did a short 25 minute workout at my office during lunch that we put together on the fly and it worked really well!

Chest, Triceps, Core – 25 mins

  • 25 Chest Flys
  • 25 Upright Rows
  • 25 Lat Raises
  • 25 Tricep Kicks
  • 25 Pushups
  • 25 Pullups
  • Bicycles til you feel it – 60+
  • Top hat til you feel it – 45 +
  • Side plank crunch til you feel it 30 +
  • Other side crunch plank til you feel it 30+

For Saturday, I woke up late – slept in, and really got to enjoy a slow moving Saturday morning with my husband and my dog. We didn’t get breakfast like we wanted to before I left, and he was concerned he wouldn’t have anything to do but he decided to go for a long run after I left. On my way down to Nashville, I soaked in the gorgeous day ahead of me, and listened to a book on tape called Red by Ted Dekker, part of a trilogy called the Circle Series.

It’s the 2nd book and so far, I’ve been able to follow this book better than the first one. On a 3 hour drive, it was perfect listening material to really knock out some hours in this book. My book club meets again in just 9 days.

As I roll into Nashville, I found myself feeling wistful – I really miss this place. But not as a place to come back to and live – as a place that held a lot of memories. I stroll into town as though I only remember it by habit and landmarks, and not by roads. I run all of my usual 4-way stops, wind through Shelby Park roads nearby my parents home, look at all of the usual weird looking homes in my old neighborhood and make note of any new changes I see. Then I pull up into my parents home and always tell myself I need to help my mom pull the weeds out of her garden beds…but never do. Then I park, unchain the link on my parents gate, and stroll in, and see my dad laying on the parachute hammock that makes him feel like he’s in Cambodia cradling away under the humid breeze.

As new buildings rise every year, and new greenways are built connecting neighborhood to neighborhood, not a single thing has changed when I get to my parents. It’s like 1996, the year we moved in, every time I come home. My bedroom is still in tact, with my blue ribbon borders across the top, and it’s still that faded shade of blue that I loved.

Usually the first thing I do when I visit my parents, I raid their house for food. They only eat Khmer (Cambodian) food, and as the Foodie I am, I’m always making requests when I come home, and this time my request was Banh Xeo. Except she didn’t have all of the stuff to make it, that we’re going to have it for lunch on Sunday (today) instead. But for dinner that night, she made Salah Mahchew – it’s a lemony stew medley of green veggies – potato leaves, chinese eggplant, some other green stuff, with beef, tripe, and she used lime leaves as one of the citrus agents. It was a delicious meal served over rice.

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I made a visit to Walmart and I found this card that had me cracking up in the Hallmark aisle. It’s going to be my friends and I one of these days. We’re so determined to stay young and firm looking that we’re going to not realize that we’re getting old and our boobs are sagging, and after a spray tan, I’m sure we’re going to have one of these experiences.

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My dad and I were never too close when I was young, but it is never too late to rekindle relationships and since I graduated from college he and I have worked on our relationship quite a bit. I never really realized back then but my dad is a good looking guy. My mom thinks so too. In fact she has a picture of my dad when he was 52 yrs old in her cell phone that she shows to other people.

This is my dad when he went to visit his family in Los Angeles, CA back in 1991-1993. I can’t remember what year. He was in his 40’s.

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He was 52 years old here at my aunt’s wedding in Seattle.

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This one is of us that we took off his MacBook for his Facebook profile pic. He wanted to be on Facebook so he can see his other kids and grandkids where 2 of them he didn’t know were even born. He’s such a bright person who can learn things very easily so it wasn’t hard at all to get him adjusted to Facebook. I’m glad he got a chance to see those pics of his family.

Me & Dad – July 20, 2013 – 64yrs old

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The mountains are calling – I must go.

God will never put more on me than I can handle. I know this because no matter sad I become or how much my heart aches on Thursdays and Saturdays, I always survive and come out of it stronger and more appreciative of the love he’s given me.

Lately, I have been very lucky to have experienced growth through him. I’ve become a better person to myself, my husband, my family and ones who very dear to me. I’ve spent less days worrying about things I can not control and focusing on my priorities which in the past I regretfully admit was not in the right order.

Part of this journey is understanding my role in people’s lives. We’re not all here to just be passer-bys…we are all connected and intertwined in aspects beyond our control. For example, my actions affect a big ripple of people, and if I don’t consider everyone when I decide to do certain things, consequences outside my control will occur and that is a lot of pressure on one person. Always be honest with yourself and forgive yourself for all the wrong things you’ve done. No matter how hard it is, change starts with you.

As of late, my focus has been on renewing me. I am thankful that God is holding my hand and guiding me in the right direction and that the path he has paved for me is the truest path.

We all make mistakes and in hindsight it was the right thing to do, but our choices define who we are. Never do anything that hurts others in any way.

The mountains are calling – I must go.

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Mon, 3/25 – Oh Spring? Where did you go?

Spring time! I miss you!

What the heck happened this year? There’s literally a blizzard outside right now. Spring came out for a couple of days and decided to recoil. Last I checked, spring sprung 4 days ago! Regardless, I can’t wait til the weather gets warmer so I can do more stuff outside. One of my favorite things to do that I did last year was to find a nice patch of grass preferably near water and stretch out, do some yoga or some basic exercises and enjoying being in the company of nature and her friends. Can’t wait to start that up again. 🙂

Last spring, we had Easter Games – basically a “Field Day” for big kids (bunch of 30 year olds…lol) but this year, I’m afraid to throw Easter Games on Easter because we need to be outside doing crazy stuff, and with the weather being all icky and temperamental, I must wait til winter decides to call it a year.

By the way, I am a pro at bobbing for apples….

To pick back up posting and updating my whereabouts and workouts and food logs and so forth….I must admit, I DID workout and I DID eat good-for-me foods, however, I slacked more on the updating side rather than the choosing-unhealthy-food-and-not-exercising side…WHEW! That’s a really long fragmented sentence! Forgive me, it’s really late right now, and I just wanted to be good and make an update, REGARDLESS of how tired I am. 🙂

Alright, March was not as good as the other 2 months. It was tough, and it I did not feel as COMPELLED to resist the sweets and “restaurant” food. However, I can still go back to my healthy diet with no problem, because I didn’t eat the junk because I “relapsed” or something weird….I just forgot how it all tasted because I hadn’t had it for 2 months. Eating that stuff is PAINFUL to say the least. I’m glad I have a fall-back to Paleo when it comes to food…allows me to feel like I have somewhere to go when the acid and gas gets too much to handle. I don’t have to feel like I have to starve just to be able to deal with the pain.

Ok, so here are my adventures from the past 3 weeks….I will try my best to make them as entertaining in as few sentences and pictures as possible 🙂

  • Red Rock Canyons, Las Vegas, NV – Hiked “Calico Tanks” trail – scrambled to get an incredible view of LV. AMAZING HIKE! Highly recommend 😉 
  • Red Rock Canyons – Hiked “Ice Box Canyon” trail – a seasonal waterfall trail that led to the waterfall, but it was out of season so just a trickling…but there were some pools.
  • Chuckey, TN – Hiked “Marguerite Falls” – nice upwards hike along a waterfall trail up to the waterfall – very beautiful hike.
  • Cherokee Nat’l Forest, Gatlinburg, TN – Drove up to some overlook and saw everything covered in new freshy freshy pow pow. Beautiful scenic drive. Too bad it was so cold, didn’t get a chance to hike anything.

As for workouts – some accomplishments are:

  • I practiced swimming again and was able to swim a half mile and did it in the average time of 30 minutes. I just learned how to lap swim last May – so this is a MAJOR accomplishment for me….I usually just panic in the water until I get out. 
  • To make sure it wasn’t a fluke that I swam a half mile, I did it again 2 days later. So it’s been confirmed, I can ACTUALLY swim a half mile. 🙂
  • I have a strong core. I know this because my ab workouts are so easy. I feel like I can do crunches, bikes, etc all day long. Also planks too. Also, I can do pushups far better and longer than most women.
  • I did a 300 workout – 300 pushups, 300 squats, and 300 crunches – I only got to 100 of each, but did it in 6.5 minutes. Not too bad. But it wasn’t enough at 100…so I’ll definitely attempt it again.
  •  I can get right back into intense internal training without a problem even if I have not actually done it in a week. Muscle memory sure plays a big part. But my heart can feel the burn though….

I guess I can smile again. My struggles and demotivationals were expressed, and sometimes just stating my position or “admitting” my faults helps clear my head and refocuses me towards my goal.  I am hopefully back to normal again.

Today’s log:

Food

  • No breakfast except coffee
  • Lunch – Chicken and Cabbage soup – 2 drumsticks for the meat portion, lots of cabbage, and rice (yes, this is an asian dish and it wouldn’t been right without rice)
  • Dinner – same thing, with less rice, less cabbage, and 1 drumstick. 

So not much to eat today…I also had a fiery acid stomach today…not sure from what…perhaps the spices I used in the soup. It was vegetable broth, chicken bouillon, fish sauce, garlic and sugar….not much to the soup at all.

Workout

  • Jump and Jacks to Tubthumping by Chumbawamba – about 4 mins long, drop to the floor everytime they sing “I Get Knocked Down”, then get back up again….great for cardio – got my heart burning…
  • Tabata – 8 rounds – 20 work 10 off – pushups, then dips
  • Tabata 12 rounds – 20 work 10 off – kickboxing kick, then upright knee to elbow (switch sides after rounds)
  • Tabata – 10 rounds – 20 work 10 off – bike abs, upright torso twist, top hat abs, dead bug abs, upright torso twist, then repeat

I forgot to have a protein drink so I’ll probably be sore the next day. Guess I should get my beauty sleep now. I’ve been worried about getting wrinkles (is this my way to defying the inevitability of approaching my 30’s?) so I’ve been really trying to take care of my skin…using glycolic cleansers, microdermabrasion facials, moisturizing, eye creams, pore refiners, and the whole nine yards. So each day, I’m taking my makeup off, going through the regimen….I hope I see some results…my face just feels tight every day now, but the “intense” moisturizers help a lot. I’ve also been splurging on “smell good stuff” like scented shower gels, lotions, perfumes, hand soaps, body soaps, fragrant lip glosses… It feels really nice to feel pretty and smell good. I’m sure the people around me would appreciate it if don’t stink or look like I just rolled out of bed…and I’m telling you, this girl does not look good rolled out of bed.

Some of my favorites…

Ok, off to slumber land.

 

 

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Filed under Daily Motivation, Exercise Log, Food Log, How I feel today, Surprises, Epiphanies & More

23 Days into March – Lost willpower or just don’t care?

Is it willpower that I’ve lost? Or just the total lack of care perhaps?

I’ve just not been motivated lately. It’s as though this new thing is beginning to fade. I’m not happy about it. It’s pretty obvious that I’ve slipped a bit.

I’ve began to eat bread, rice, and some potatoes again.
It’s not that I’m struggling with willpower to the sight of those foods, but more so a less compelling resistance.

Food is an experience. It should be. But not every day should be a special “occasion” to eat bad stuff. I went on a streak to not eat out at restaurants for lunch. But lately, I’ve been wanting to leave the office for lunch every day just as a time out for myself, and a chance to be in someone else’s company for the hour. But for a while there I was having “me time” in my kitchen crafting some super delicious healthy food. Now it’s like, I’m just too lazy to cook!

I haven’t posted all month. I’ve had a rough month. Very emotional these past few weeks. But I’m sure that I will get better. My most productive hours are after emotional moments. I will get back on the horse and log my efforts once again.

A big part of all of this is my chronic desire for something more. I do feel like I’ve achieved the goal of “fat loss” therefore it’s pretty evident that I’m slacking again. I’m not a lazy person. I don’t watch hours of TV, I don’t waste time in my life by sitting on my butt and complaining about things I didn’t do. I just want more.

I know this is a serious personal problem that I have fought all my life. The internal conflict is that [I know] I shouldn’t feel this way. I know that I need to/should appreciate everything I have and have accomplished….but… Having something to look forward to, having the next “thing” in the future keeps life exciting and gives me something to want to share with others about. I’m not asking God to put me in a situation that makes me experience life at it’s worst just so that I will appreciate what I have now – I just want something permanent – that is mine and I can control just the level of happiness it will bring me. I’m not saying I’m out of things to do.

I find things to do. But sometimes, I wonder if it’s just my way to distracting myself from “the days where I feel completely empty”. I’m not sure what that even means. My personality [disorder, some might say] is an obsessive compulsive personality where I get extremely excited about something and it typically never lasts for too long. Pros of this behavior is that I usually accomplish what I set out to do. Cons would be that now it’s over, deed is done, I feel that emptiness and quickly find the next thing. And doing something else doesn’t mean there is any rational reason behind it, just that I’m done with the other thing and I want to start something else and have something new to obsess over. This behavior leaves me so dissatisfied because there is no permanency in it. Like sex, food, and clothes – feels great, tastes great, and looks great, but you wanna try something else next time.

A big change that I want to make happen is to spend more time with my family, my truly loved ones. I want to know more about my husband’s grandmother, Louise. I want to know more about my own parents and their parents. In the end, the only thing we will still have is our family. And we are tied by an incredible bond, that no matter what trials and tribulations we face, at least we still have our family.

I wouldn’t say family time is “normal time”. It definitely doesn’t feel normal. Normal for me would be to wake up early and take my dog out for a walk, or go for a hike, then come home make lunch, clean the house, and walk the dog again, then go to the grocery store, and get stuff for dinner.

But family time would be best described as “comfortable”. I’m being surrounded by just goofy people who want to know what my next adventure is, and what our future plans are.

I snapped a photo of this “Flying Dog” cloud on my drive to Knoxville one day. It was so beautiful, as though God was trying to make me smile. And that he did. Thanks God! You are awesome!

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